Even though most of us try not to, we’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. We make comparisons like, “I wish I dressed like so-and-so,” or, “I wish I were as successful as them.” For leaders and executives, these comparisons can be particularly damaging to both personal growth and professional development coaching outcomes.
Comparison to others is often unconscious, but it can be beneficial to train ourselves to stop. While it may occasionally drive self-improvement, frequent comparisons typically result in negative thoughts that undermine your leadership potential and executive presence. In the competitive landscape of business leadership, this habit can silently erode your confidence and decision-making capabilities without you even realizing it.
As an executive or aspiring leader, understanding how comparison affects your mindset is the first step toward building authentic leadership skills that stand on their own merit rather than in relation to others. This shift in perspective is fundamental to effective leadership development and sustainable career growth.
Why Do Leaders Compare Themselves to Others?
Human beings are social creatures, and comparison is common throughout our entire history. As a leader or executive, this tendency can be even more pronounced due to the competitive nature of business environments and the high-performance expectations of C-suite positions. This natural human tendency becomes amplified in professional settings where measurable outcomes and visible success are highly valued.
Social media platforms like LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok often showcase various aspects of people’s professional and personal lives, highlighting their accomplishments and successes. Industry publications, business rankings, and professional networks constantly feature “top performers” and “industry leaders,” creating endless opportunities for comparison.
These platforms and channels frequently lead to comparisons, prompting executives and leaders to reflect on their own career trajectories and leadership styles. This creates anxiety, FOMO (fear of missing out), and sometimes depression. Tapping into thoughts of self-doubt can cause you to question your leadership abilities and wonder if you’re “good enough” compared to other executives. For those in leadership positions, this can manifest as imposter syndrome—the persistent feeling that you don’t deserve your position despite evidence of your competence.
It is important to remember that what we see on social media and professional networks is carefully curated. People spend hours editing the perfect video, crafting the perfect message, or selecting the perfect image. These platforms typically feature only the best of people’s experiences and never show the full range of daily challenges that even the most successful leaders face. Behind every successful quarterly report or industry award lies countless difficult decisions, sleepless nights, and moments of doubt that no one broadcasts publicly.
The business coaching world recognizes this phenomenon as a significant barrier to authentic leadership development. When leaders focus too much on external comparisons rather than their unique strengths and growth opportunities, they often adopt leadership styles that don’t align with their authentic selves or their organization’s true needs.
How Does Comparison Affect My Leadership Journey?
Too much comparison leads to unhappiness, low self-esteem, and diminished leadership effectiveness. We become frustrated with ourselves for “not being good enough,” or resentful of others’ success rather than focusing on our own leadership development and growth opportunities. This mindset creates a scarcity mentality where another’s success somehow diminishes our own potential, which contradicts the abundance mindset that characterizes truly transformational leadership.
Some real-life examples of comparisons that affect leadership include:
- You see another executive give a presentation and think, “I wish I had her executive presence and public speaking skills.” Rather than being inspired to develop these skills, you feel inadequate and avoid public speaking opportunities.
- You read about a CEO’s successful business transformation and tell yourself, “If only I had implemented that strategy at my company.” This backward-looking regret distracts you from creating innovative strategies for your current challenges.
- A colleague receives recognition for their leadership approach, and you can’t help thinking, “They’re a way better leader than I am.” Instead of learning from their approach, you question your own leadership identity.
Feelings of jealousy, frustration, and hopelessness emerge if these comparisons continue. If left unaddressed, chronic anxiety, isolation, and depression can stem from such behavior, all of which undermine your capacity for transformational leadership and emotional intelligence. These negative emotions drain the mental and emotional energy needed for creative problem-solving and strategic thinking—essential components of effective leadership.
To avoid comparisons, some leaders look for others’ faults to make themselves feel better. This approach is just as unhealthy as tearing yourself apart for what you don’t have or haven’t accomplished. True leadership coaching focuses on building your unique strengths rather than measuring yourself against others. It emphasizes that leadership development is not a zero-sum game—another’s strength doesn’t diminish your own value.
Leadership coaching research shows that the most effective leaders maintain healthy competitive drives while focusing primarily on their own continuous improvement rather than outperforming others. This self-focused growth mindset cultivates authentic leadership presence and sustainable performance improvement.
I Want to Stop Comparing Myself to Others: What Do I Do?
To halt the comparison habit and boost your leadership skills, focus on bettering yourself and building authentic confidence. Train your mind to step away from unfavorable comparisons and instead embrace kindness and a positive attitude. It’s challenging work, but the payoff in your leadership development is substantial.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: 7 Executive Coaching Strategies
Here are seven proven leadership coaching strategies you can implement to stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own professional development.
1. Be Aware of Your Triggers
To improve your mental health, emotional intelligence, and leadership effectiveness, identify the situations and circumstances that trigger negative comparisons. Social media isn’t the only thing affecting your self-esteem and executive presence. Professional contexts often contain subtle comparison triggers that can undermine your leadership confidence.
Is there someone in your professional network who often makes you feel inadequate? Maybe you feel insufficient when colleagues discuss their achievements. Perhaps there are specific professional events or settings that make you particularly vulnerable to comparison, such as industry conferences, board meetings, or peer review sessions.
Consider keeping a “comparison journal” for a week, noting when you feel the urge to compare yourself unfavorably to others. Look for patterns in these entries. This data provides valuable insight into your leadership development needs.
Once you’re aware of situations that prompt you to engage in comparisons, you can take action to understand why these triggers affect you so deeply. This self-awareness is a foundational aspect of emotional intelligence in leadership. Professional development coaching often begins with this kind of self-inventory because understanding your triggers allows you to develop targeted strategies for managing them.
2. Limit Your Time on Social Media
I know, I know. Yes, social media keeps us up to date on our family and friends, current events, and raises awareness. But like most things, it’s best in moderation. Doom scrolling on social media, especially when consuming lifestyle, politics, famous people and beauty content, can have negative effects on our self-worth and leadership confidence.
Unfollow accounts that cause you to compare yourself unfavorably to others. For the first few days, it will feel like you’re detoxing. But persevere. Set boundaries by turning off your phone after a certain time of day and practicing selective engagement with messages and notifications.
Ask yourself, “How much time am I actually spending on social platforms?” You may not realize how many hours you’re diverting from meaningful leadership activities and growth opportunities. Most smartphones have well-being apps that can provide real-time usage information. Consider how you might better invest that time: reading leadership books, practicing mindfulness, engaging in professional development, or connecting personally with your team members.
3. Avoid Comparing Other People’s “Outsides” to Your Own “Insides”
No one truly knows what’s happening behind the scenes in another leader’s life or organization. Everyone is facing their own struggles, challenges, and difficult decisions.
Remember that for every polished presentation or successful product launch, there were likely numerous failures, pivots, and sleepless nights. The journey to effective leadership and business success is rarely as smooth as it appears from the outside.
Besides, you have no idea how many iterations they went through to achieve what looks like effortless success. Professional content often has entire teams behind it—editors, coaches, and advisors all contributing to the final product.
4. Count Your Blessings as a Leader
Be grateful for what you have accomplished in your leadership journey. Someone’s professional situation may seem better, but there might be another person wishing they had your opportunities, skills, or team. There’s always something, even just one aspect of your leadership role or skill set, for which you can be thankful.
Gratitude is not just a personal wellness practice but a leadership skill that enhances decision-making and team dynamics. Research in positive psychology shows that leaders who practice gratitude regularly demonstrate greater resilience in the face of challenges and make more balanced decisions under pressure.
Consider keeping a leadership gratitude journal, noting specific professional accomplishments or advantages daily. Make it a habit to acknowledge team members’ contributions regularly, creating a culture of appreciation that strengthens workplace relationships. Take time to reflect on leadership challenges you’ve overcome, recognizing the skills and resources that helped you succeed.
Executive coaching often incorporates gratitude practices because they shift your focus from what’s missing to what’s present. This perspective shift is crucial for developing the positive leadership outlook that inspires teams and drives organizational success. As you build your gratitude muscle, you’ll find yourself naturally focusing less on comparing yourself to others and more on leveraging your unique combination of talents and experiences.
5. Focus On Your Leadership Strengths
Be proud of what you’ve accomplished as a leader. Too much humility is just as harmful to your leadership effectiveness as too much self-confidence.
Make a list of your leadership strengths and accomplishments. Writing things down can help us recognize and accept the truth instead of just thinking about it. You can be as general or as specific as you like, and let this list serve as a reminder of your unique value as a leader.
Consider how these strengths have helped you navigate challenges, support your team, and drive results. This exercise is similar to what many professional coaches use in executive coaching programs to build leadership confidence.
6. Remember That Insecurities Are Universal in Leadership
It’s normal for you to compare yourself to other leaders and executives. We all experience self-doubts and fears that challenge our leadership confidence now and then. Even the most successful C-suite executives feel insecure sometimes.
Many high-performing leaders work with business coaches and executive coaches precisely because they understand that leadership growth requires confronting these insecurities with support and structured development.
7. Use Your Past Self as a Benchmark of Comparison
The only real competition you have is who you were yesterday, last month, or last year. Through retrospection, you’ll be able to see real growth in your leadership journey and be proud of your development.
This approach—comparing yourself to your past performance rather than to others—is a core principle of effective leadership coaching and professional development coaching. It ensures that your growth is authentic, sustainable, and aligned with your unique leadership path.
Consider maintaining a leadership development portfolio documenting your growth in key competencies. Schedule quarterly personal leadership reviews to assess your progress against personal goals. Ask trusted colleagues or mentors to provide feedback on specific areas where you’ve been working to improve. This structured approach transforms comparison from a source of stress into a powerful tool for intentional leadership development.
Many C-suite executives work with business coaches precisely to establish this kind of structured self-comparison process. A skilled executive coach can help you identify meaningful metrics for personal growth that align with both your values and organizational objectives.
Remember that leadership growth isn’t always linear—sometimes what looks like a setback contains the most valuable learning opportunities. By comparing yourself primarily to your past performance, you develop patience with the natural ebbs and flows of leadership development while maintaining clear sight of your long-term trajectory.
The Bottom Line on Leadership Growth
The only person to compare yourself with is you. Focus your time on taking care of yourself and developing your authentic leadership style. When you invest in self-growth, treat yourself with kindness, build resilience, do the hard work, and remain open to possibility, you start to shift your mindset and bring into your leadership practice the things that truly matter.
This approach to leadership development strengthens not only your executive presence but also creates a more positive, productive environment for your entire team. Leaders who have mastered the art of self-reference rather than constant comparison tend to make decisions based on values and strategy rather than external pressure. They demonstrate greater authenticity in their leadership style and show more consistent performance under stress. These leaders typically build more psychologically safe team environments and demonstrate greater emotional intelligence in challenging interpersonal situations.
Leadership research consistently shows that the most effective leaders maintain a clear sense of their own strengths, values, and growth edges without being overly influenced by external comparisons. This self-awareness forms the foundation of genuine executive presence and sustainable leadership effectiveness.
Ready to Transform Your Leadership Approach?
Ready to make impactful changes in your leadership journey? Work with Ready Now Lead Consulting Group for professional executive coaching, leadership assessments, courses, and group training. Our tailored services for individuals and organizations are designed to ensure your success as a leader.
Our executive coaching programs focus on building emotional intelligence in leadership, enhancing decision-making skills, developing transformational leadership capabilities, and strengthening your executive presence. We specialize in helping leaders break free from unhelpful comparison habits and develop authentic leadership presence that drives results.
Through personalized coaching relationships, our experienced leadership coaches provide objective feedback on your leadership style and impact, customized development plans aligned with your values and goals, and evidence-based strategies for enhancing executive presence. We create a safe space for processing leadership challenges and decisions while maintaining accountability for implementing new leadership practices.
Explore our core leadership development offerings today to see if partnering with us is your next best step toward leadership excellence!
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